"Thank the Milky Way's intestine"? *giggles hysterically*
I like it, but as usual, your writing is too deep for me to understand.
Very enjoyable.

--
"He had a heart that could have held the empire of the world; and, in the end, he had to content himself with a cellar."

"Oh, well I never, was there ever a cat so clever as Magical Mister Mistofelees?"

Eight minutes old, huh? I don't know, I think it's cool to know such things
"We all came from the inside of stars" is a beautiful line, it's a poem in itself.

--
"Come my friends, 'tis not too late to seek a newer world." -- Tennyson

Oh, I think so too. I love little facts like that--I just wanted to make a joke out of it. Where I live it's sweltering hot for about 9 months out of the year, so to think that eight minutes ago the sun was casting its light is kinda funny. I mean, most people here would do just about anything to stay out of the heat.

Thanks for taking the time to comment! I really appreciate it!

--
it's spring when the world is puddle-wonderful

Haha, I didn't think this poem was very deep. But thank you just the same, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

--
it's spring when the world is puddle-wonderful

i love the fourth stanza's quiet whimsy

--
The Poetry.. That comes from the squaring off between.. And the circling is worth it.. Finding beauty in the dissonance.. -Tool

*VampireWriters *PoetryPlease *Writers-Workshop ~pakdeviants *ScribeSanctuary

Overall, I think this is really great! You use of alliteration is good, though at some points it feels too forced. For example, "but how my heated hatred halts" is a bit too much, because you changed the tone of voice of the poem in order to use all those words. The rest of the poem is written from a younger standpoint, from someone who probably wouldn't say "halt", especially in that context. A lot of your alliteration does sound quite natural though and should be kept exactly as is, I just think you need to pay close attention to how your word choices affect the overall tone.

I like the third stanza especially, but you really need to get rid of those extra spaces. I keep wondering if they're supposed to be significant and keep getting disappointed that they're not!

I find the fourth stanza extremely awkward. There's something about it (besides a little more excessive alliteration), that doesn't quite sound right. I think if it is read as one sentence from beginning to end that there is something grammatically or structurally incorrect: "In the desert, where I dare to rest my doormat, diabolic deeds and droughts on the part of eight minute-old sunlight is detestable." But I can't figure out what it is, so I'll leave it alone.

Anyways, good job overall. You really did get the point of the prompt so props to you!

--
Punknera is no more! I am now *ATrue.

Interesting idea for a poem, and it works nicely.
The alliteration and onomatopoeia are great; they give the poem some ' punch'.
An enjoyable read

--
the most delicious one~ ♥

I liked this, I enjoyed reading the poem.

The whole idea behind it, the messeage, so raw; It was fun to read, as it was amusing and interesting.

--


_{-
Don't you wanna' know how we keep starting fires?}

That's a lot of hot weather! I live in one of Australia's cooler regions but we do get a bit of the hot weather too, so I can sympathise at least a little bit?

--
"Come my friends, 'tis not too late to seek a newer world." -- Tennyson